
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2452514.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager, Levi_&_Eren_Yeager
  Character:
      Eren_Yeager, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Mikasa_Ackerman, Armin_Arlert,
      Jean_Kirstein, Sasha_Blouse, Connie_Springer, Reiner_Braun, Hange_Zoë,
      EVERYONE_OKAY
  Additional Tags:
      Seme_Levi, god_im_horrible, POV_Alternating, Blind_Character, Blind_Eren
      Yeager, Top_Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Bottom_Eren_Yeager, Uke_Eren
      Yeager, poor_eren
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-10-14 Chapters: 1/? Words: 5863
****** Eren in the Dark ******
by The_Fluffy_Prince
Summary
     One day, Eren discovers he can't see and thinks it should be fine as
     long as he is still alive. He tries to conceal his new impairment to
     no avail. However, they find out this blindness runs deeper than just
     his eyes.
     *based on doujinshi Arthur in the Dark*
Notes
     (sorry terrible summary)
     I'm going for a sad fic.
     Edit: sorry I didn't credit it before it was late and all I wanted go
     do was post it. Thanks for telling me. It's a based/inspired on a
     hetalia doujinshi, arthur in the dark. With my twist.
See the end of the work for more notes
 
 
When I woke up that morning,
it was dark.
 
 
I thought it was still night, so I went back to sleep. When I awoke a second
time, it was still dark. Though I didn't really understand. Maybe the night was
long tonight? My cell at night was always pitch black... but then again, there
was always the pale light from the moon or the yellow glows of the torches in
the halls.
I heard a chirping. Birds don't usually chirp at night, do they?
I touched my eyes.
Oh
They were open.
It didn't affect me like I thought it would. I can't see, I'd thought. I'd sat
there with my sheets pooled around my waist. My head turned to where the sun
streaming in through the window would be. I'd stared blankly, no matter where I
turned, my eyes opened or closed, it was only darkness.
Wait- it's morning?
I'm late for training!
It was more difficult than I thought. Getting dressed, putting on the harnesses
and belts without seeing. It...it didn't matter, I wouldn't let it get to me, I
would just try to continue, I would pretend I was the same- normal.
Somehow, I put on the belts and my clothes on. I really hope I put my pants on
the right way... I got onto my knees, crawling as I tried to find my boots. My
arms extended, patting the cold, stone ground, fingers reaching, my eyes wide
and searching yet unseeing. Were they under my bed? Ah, found them!
I put them on easily enough and stood up, finding the swords was a little
tricky and my fingers were inevitably cut by the sharp metal. When I found
them, though, I sheathed them carefully.
I hobble over to the exit of the cell with my arms stretched out in front of
me. I finally touch the metal bars and open it. Okay, now I was in the hallway.
Now all I have to do is head up the stairs and hopefully everyone is still at
breakfast. I have no idea what time it is.
I feel like an old man, having to use the walls as a guide and support, feet
taking careful steps. Even though my eyes were useless, they were still wide
open, as if they were trying to adjust to the darkness. Force of habit, I
guess....
The stone walls were cold under my fingertips. I try to memorize every crack,
every crevice. Going up the stairs was a little hard, I knew one slip up and I
would tumble down the hard, stone and split open my head. What a funny way to
go, huh?
Once at the top, I was panting. Now just go to the left, and that's where
everyone will be eating. I walked down the corridor, my steps not as confident
as they'd normally be.
     "Jaeger!" I think I jump like 10 feet in the air. I clutch my racing
     heartbeat and turn around, trying to locate the voice with my blank
     eyes. "What do you think you're doing?" I'm not really sure this
     is...
 
     "U-um..." I scratch the back of my head sheepishly, smiling
     nervously. I hear the impatient tapping of his boots.
     "You missed breakfast. Everyone's outside training."
     "Oh, sorry, then I'll go find them." I salute at where I think he's
     standing.
     "Che... why are you late, anyways?"
     Think fast, think fast! "I ...uh overslept, sir." Well, it wasn't a
     lie..
     "Right.." I could practically hear the roll of his eyes. The clacking
     of his boots indicated his departure.
Outside? Which way do I go again?
 
xxx
                                        
It took about 20 minutes, the castle corridors were a maze in disguise. I
might've bumped into several people and gotten scrapes by accidentally
tripping....
But, it didn't matter since I finally made it outside. I ended up following two
soldiers that were going to tend to the horses and that was close to the
training area. It felt like I was walking in darkness for hours, my eyes and
legs tired, my mind constantly thinking it was night. I couldn't even tell the
difference of the musty, castle walls, to the sunny, outside.
Well that was kind of a lie, the air was different, smelled fresher. Of grass
and the perfume of flowers. The slight scent of horse manure, the sweat of
those training. There was a rustle of leaves and I stood still, entranced. I
felt alone, my ears assaulted by the breeze and the trees swaying. I imagined I
stood on a hill of purple flowers, alone, the petals whispering.
I blink out of my stupor as my name is called.
     "Eren! Come on, you're late!" Jean.
     "Okay!" I call to wherever he was.
But I don't move, just tilt my head up to the sky. The sun is warm. I can
almost feel the brightness against my eyelids. To think I won't see the sun
again..
xxx
 
     "Why weren't you at breakfast this morning?" Ah, Mikasa. I could hear
     the worry and concern in her voice.
This is the hard part, trying to look her in the eyes and tell her I'm fine.
Except where are her eyes?
     "Mikasa," I turn to her voice and raise my head a bit, hoping I was
     at least looking at her face. "I'm fine, I just overslept." I could
     hear others around us training with their own partners, the punches
     and kicks collide with their bodies.
     "Figures." Jean says, I felt his prescence next to me. He smells
     funny. Like hay.
     I ignore him."Don't you have training, Mikasa?" I say.
She turns and hesitates, as if to talk to me before her partner calls out to
her.
     "Heyyyy Mikasaaa!" Sasha whines, restless.
I breathe out a sigh of relief as I hear her boots walk away in the grass.
     "Now, hurry up and fight me. It's hand to hand combat." I hear the
     smirk in Jean's voice.
     I wear a smirk of my own, "You're on."
 
xxx
 
After horribly losing to Jean time after time, I find myself on my back, winded
and staring at nothing.
Fuck
     "Don't be a sore loser and grab my hand."
Right, his hand, where is it? I try to inconspicously wave my hand in front of
me. It hits Jean's palm. I grab it and he heaves me up on my feet. I brush off
the dirt. It was horrible, I couldn't see where Jean was at all, even just by
hearing his footsteps and voice, it was like finding a needle in a haystack. At
night. I tried punching his stomach, grabbing his leg- anything. But it was all
easily blocked or he would just twist my wrist and flip me on to my back.
     "You're not usually this bad." I knew it was his way of asking
     'what's wrong'. Jean and I had formed a frenemy friendship. We were
     still rivals but that was more of a game now.
     "Just... just tired." I pant out.
     "Tired?" He says in disbelief, "When are you-"
     "Guys, we're going to ride the horses and test our endurance. Captain
     Levi should be leading us." a new voice informs us, startling me.
     Bless whoever interrupted Jean. Who was that again? And when did they
     get here?
     "Yeah, yeah, Connie, we're going." Jean sighs, apparently forgetting
     what he was going to say to me.
     "Oh, it's Connie!" I say aloud by accident, nearly snapping my
     fingers.
     "Um. Yeah?" Connie chuckles, confused.
Oops, now he thinks I'm crazy.
     I shake my head side to side furiously, "No it's okay, let's just go
     to the stables."
I honestly just want him to walk so I could follow his footsteps.
     There was a beat of silence. "You okay, man? You're all dirty."
     Jean shoves my arm, "Nah, he just took one hell of a beating from
     me." Oh great, now he got an ego boost.
     "Ah, I see. That's new." Connie says curiously.
     "W-what!? What's that supposed to mean!" I smile.
     "Shut up Jean, just lead us to your people."
     "What!" Connie guffaws, slapping his knees. Good ol' Connie.
     "He means the horses-"
     "I know he means the horses, dumbass." Jean grumbles angrily, Connie
     just snickers.
I follow the sound of their banter. Yeah, just keep it normal. The rustles of
the leaves threaten to deafen me as well. The whispers of petals against the
breeze.
And maybe they won't notice.
 
 
xxx
 
The horse riding endurance was a failure. A complete and utter fail.
 
For me anyways.
First off, it was struggle just getting on the damn horse. Seriously, I have no
idea how I got on that thing, or how I didn't fall off. The horse trainer was
probably really confused, of course my friends thought I was being the class
clown.
Second, I was in the wayyy back, all the way in the end.
Thirdly, I didn't know where I was half of the time.
     "Jaeger!" I had heard Captain Levi's faint voice from all the way in
     front.
Hm? I slowed my horse down, hearing a wet chewing noise. I leaned down to my
horse's head, he was eating something. Berries maybe. But berries grew on
bushes. That meant I had strayed off the path and my horse was somewhere at the
edge of the forest. The endurance was supposed to take place in the open field
so there'd be a lot of room for the new recruits to run.
I must've looked ridiculous.
     "What the actual fuck do you think you're doing?" Captain Levi's
     voice came again, this time closer.
I'd backed up my horse and turned my head both ways, swiveling my head around
to locate any sound. Anything, the hooves of horses, the Captain's voice again.
     "Eren?" Armin's voice. Bless him.
I let my horse walk to the voice, one hand on the reins the other outstretched
(hopefully inconspicously) until it touched Armin's horse.
     "Do you think you're being funny?" oh shit he was right next to me
     now.
     "N-no, sir!" I responded, looking straight ahead.
     "Stop playing around and keep up." I heard the snickers of my
     comrades. "Yes, sir!" the Captain was quiet a moment. Probably
     because I wasn't looking at him. It would be hard to explain why I
     wasn't looking at him in the eyes. Fortunately, he just made a 'tch'
     noise and kicked his horse before he was off. I coughed at the dust
     cloud he left in his wake.
     Once the Captain was gone, Armin spoke to me, "Eren, why were you
     doing that?"
     I had laughed it off, heart hammering, "He got hungry!" it was an
     unsatisfying answer, and Armin was most likely unconvinced. He
     didn't, however, press for the real answer.
There was a strange silence over us.
The whole endurance ride after that was still just a mess. Maybe even worse. I
still ended up in the back, and even if I was somehow in the middle, my horse
strayed from the group since I couldn't lead it well. It was like spinning
around in a circle and while dizzy, trying to walk straight. You can't and end
up leaning to the side. That's what happened to me. I felt like I didn't have
any balance, I felt impaired. Naked. I didn't trust myself. A blindfold over my
eyes.
And half of the time, the Captain ended up yelling at me to stop fucking
around.
Finally, though, we made it back and I was really happy to get off the horse.
Unfortunately, I couldn't see the stirrup and my foot slipped and I fell on to
the ground. I just laid there as my face got very aqquainted with the ground
feeling 100% done. I heard a sigh.
     "Unbelievable." it was Captain Levi who had come over to give me my
     punishment for 'fucking up the training.'
He didn't bother to help me up, just told me to take care of all the horses
that had been ridden today and clean the stables. He probably didn't want to
touch any of the dirt now on my clothes. So then I spent the rest of my day in
the stables. I'd fucked up a lot of things during my punshiment there. While
carrying the bucket of water to give to the horses, I slipped backwards on a
rock, and the water splashed all over me. Then while I was brushing the coat of
one horse, I'd forgotten I left the fences open and another ran outside. I'd
heard the galloping of hooves and the desperate cries of the horse trainer as
he tried to chase them back in. I'd tried to help but I was too scared one
would trample me if I wasn't careful.
At the end of the day, we managed to get every horse to get back inside and
when I asked him if he needed anymore help, he just shooed me away and told me
he'd tell Captain I was done.
I felt like bad luck.
And here I am now at sunset (I assume the sun had set since I couldn't feel its
warmth), exhausted, my body sore. It was so tiring pretending I was fine. I
follow what I thought to be the path that led inside. I get lost a couple times
and by then had shut my tired eyes. They were useless anyways, so it wouldn't
matter if they were closed. I stumble around the halls until I hear the chatter
of what I assume to be the mess hall. With a slightly victorious smile, I walk
in.
It's really when I notice how lost I feel. An outsider in a sea of voices.
Where are my friends? I didn't know who was looking at me and I felt exposed,
vulnerable. How strange would I look walking around with unsteady steps?
     "Eren!" Mikasa.
I breathe a sigh of relief, my tense shoulders ease. They're in the back as
usual. I follow the sound of her voice and lightly touch her back to make sure
it was her. I feel a free seat next to her and sit down. I sigh as I sit for
the first time all day and let my legs take a break.
     "I got you dinner."
I hear the slide of the tray and smell the warm food. I feel the tray and feel
around for a fork. Mikasa is quiet before she slides me a fork. She is no doubt
looking at me in concern.
Shit
I grab it and try to act like I'm not blind. Hopefully she didn't pick up on
anything suspicious.
I smell my food. Potatoes, bread, meat. I couldn't tell what meat, maybe
chicken. It's then I realize how hungry I am, I didn't have breakfast or lunch.
I try not to devour it but... I do anyways. Through my meal, I remembered to
breathe and slow down my eating. I deserve a medal or something.
     "..I'm so glad its potatoes tonight."
     "That's so you, Sasha."
I feel someone sit on the other side of me and I tense. They lean in close and
ignore the conversations around us.
     "So you're alive." It was Armin.
I hear him setting a tray of his own down.
     "Of course I am." I say, biting my bread without turning my head to
     him, pretending fake hurt.
     "You've been acting really funny today..." came his thoughtful voice.
The bread froze in my mouth. I swallow the bread that now taste like ashes.
     "L-Like how?"
I know how, I just hope I wasn't being as obvious as I thought I was. I could
hear the clacking of his fork as he ate.
     "Well, this morning you missed breakfast." Mikasa answers instead.
     I turn my face in her direction. "I told you I just overslept."
I hear the rustle of fabric and didn't have to guess she was pulling her scarf
over her nose.
     "Yes, but, why did you oversleep? This doesn't usually happen. Are
     you unwell?"
My fork twitches in my hand.
     "I'm fine Mikasa! I'm just a little tired." I grumble.
     She's quiet. "I'm worried."
     "You don't have to be so worried all the time then!"
I know I was being mean, but what if she found out? The fork in my hand shook
in nervousness, my mouth running in fear. I was evading her, and she knew it.
     She falters, continuing despite my denial, "This.. this morning. You
     and Jean were training and you didn't fight well. It almost seemed
     like... you were attacking blindly." her own words confused her as
     she mused aloud.
I flinch at the word 'blindly'.
Dammit, who else saw that fight? Was it as awful as it felt?
     "Maybe, I just let Jean win." I snap.
I would never, but she didn't have to know that.
     "That's hard to believe," Damn you Armin! "But don't forget at the
     horse endurance ride. It looked like you were fooling around. Like
     you didn't know how to ride a horse." I could practically feel their
     stares on me.
     "Well I.." Armin cut me off before I could even form a good enough
     excuse.
     "Then you fell off the horse, flat on your face."
     "H-how do you know that!?" I turn to him, my eyes wide as they stare
     at where I think his face is, accidentally leaning really close to
     him.
     I jump lightly as I feel a tap on my nose, "Your nose is still a bit
     dirty." there's a smile in his voice.
     "You stayed the whole afternoon at the stables. It's all that
     shorty's fault. I bet you're tired, aren't you? You also missed
     lunch, do you want my bread?" I felt Mikasa's face close to mine.
     "What?! Mikasa, you traitor! Why would you give it to him? I
     obviously deserve it more!" I hear Sasha's voice and secretly thank
     her for her distraction. It let me take a breather from my friends'
     questions.
     Connie sighs, "Sasha I think you've had enough."
     "Yeah, you already took mine!" Reiner groans.
     "How is this enough?" she says in utter disbelief.
     "Because you'll get fat." Connie says pointedly and they both engage
     in playful banter that I zone out to.
     "Hey..."
I wonder if I can just slip out and head to my cell.
     "Hey, Eren."
It scares me, will each day be this difficult?
     "Eren!"
     My head snaps up, across from me. "What." I ask. It's Jean, if that
     annoying voice is anthing to go by.
     "You've been staring at me this whole time and you haven't blinked
     once."
There is a strange silence. I feel like a kid who's been caught with their hand
in the cookie jar.
     "It's kind of creepy actually."
I forgot to blink.
Fuck, I need to be more careful around people. I have to blink. It's like
forgetting to breathe. It's ridiculous and frustrating. Leave it to the horse
to get everyone's attention on you. I feel everyone's questioning stares at me.
I need to get away from my friends.
I felt like an outsider, I couldn't see their faces as they laughed, as they
smiled and talked. I couldn't see Mikasa or Armin. I missed they way their eyes
lit up with joy. The sun that hit Armin's blond hair. The tenderness in
Mikasa's narrowed eyes.
It hurt. This is what I was trying to avoid. I needed to run away before they
found out.
     "There's one other thing.." Armin says, halting me.
It got everyone's attention and they stopped talking. A piercing silence. A
seriousness they didn't understand. "You haven't looked me in the eye once."
I freeze, my veins ice. The breath hitches in my throat.
     "I...I have to go." I stand up and turn to go. But there's a hand on
     my arm.
     "Where are you going?" Mikasa.
     "Let me go!"
     "Eren..."
I rip my arm away from her, like its burnt, and run. I stumble a lot, and I
probably look drunk as I hit the corners of tables. I can imagine the concerned
expressions, the worry, the confusion. I somehow make it to the hall again,
catching my breath as lean my weight on to the wall.
What if Armin finds out?
He's so smart, he'll figure it out sooner or later. He didn't have to know
about this. This was my burden. I would get through this. If anyone found out,
what would happen to me? I blink away the tears.
It didn't matter, right? I was still alive, breathing, I was still- Normal.
A human titan shifter. A blind human titan shifter.
Normal, right?
It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Yeah. So I just had to suck it up and get
to my cell. Right. Where was I again? Which way... hm.
     "Oi, Eren." a deep voice suddenly in front of me.
Captain Levi.
I immediately fist my hands in a salute. I didn't hear footsteps and I mentally
slap myself, I have to be more careful. With the way I am now, I have to rely
on my hearing and scent.
     "You planning to bump into me, brat?"
     "What?" I say dumbly.
I hear him sigh irritably. "I'm right in front of you, a couple more steps and
you would've bumped into me."
     "Y-yes. I'm sorry, sir."
I face where his voice is coming from. It becomes quiet. I think maybe he's
probably sizing me up with an intense glare. My clothes are still dirty.
I hear the click of his boots as he takes a step closer to me.
     "Eren."
     "Yes, sir?"
     "Where are you looking?" I blink.
Oh shit.
It wasn't a secret that the Captain was short and here I was looking about a
head above him. But I can't see and just guessing based on his voice is hard. I
lower my gaze and hope I'm looking at his face or something. I hope there
weren't any tears on my face.
     "Eren." he says again.
 
     "Yes, sir?" my heart hammering in my chest.
The air is tense. The fire on the torches crackles on the walls.
     "There is something wrong with you, isn't there." it wasn't a
     question.
Air drained from my lungs and I felt my heart stop. His voice was ice, bored
almost. Piercing even through the dark glaze of my blank eyes. I could still
imagine the narrowed, silver eyes as he glares at me. Did he know?
He figured it out quicker than Mikasa.
Than Armin.
My fingers trembled, my lip in between my teeth nervously. Was I too obvious
today? What would he do with me if he found out? Would he turn me in? My eyes
squeezed shut. No, no.. I didn't want that. I was still useful, I could still
fight titans. I'd find a way! Somehow...
     "Nothing is wrong, sir." I say in a steady voice that surprises me.
     "You've been acting weird this whole day-"
     "No! I-I'm okay, really." I say, my lip quivering in the hold my
     teeth had. I want to leave already. Hide in the rough sheets of my
     bed. During sleep I didn't need to pretend. I could cling to my
     memories there.
     "Don't interrupt me," he grits out, "I've been watching you."
I turn to him, scared eyes wide and unblinking.
     "You stumble around like you're drunk. Fuck shit up like you can't
     see anything in front of you." I flinch at his words. "Are you sick?"
I turn away. Mikasa had asked the same thing.
     "No.." I say softly.
     "When you were cleaning the horses, you let them all out, didn't
     you?"
Fuck you, horsetrainer.
     "Yes, sir.." my head hangs in shame.
     "What the hell were you thinking?" a scowl in his voice.
     "It-it was an accident."
     He scoffs, "Well accident or not, you're going to have to make it up
     again."
Again, are you serious?! I'm ready to just fall asleep already...
The horror must've showed on my face since he spoke up again.
     "You'll clean the mess hall and wash the dishes tonight." he waits
     for an answer, no doubt an eyebrow raised pointedly.
     "Yes, sir." I mumble tiredly.
Quicker I begin, quicker I leave.
     He moves. "I'll check on you later." I feel him walk past me, "And
     Eren?"
I turn slightly to his voice.
     "Look at me when I speak to you."
And with that, he's gone.
I sigh and lean against the wall.
I wish I could.
 
xxx
 
Chairs were being pushed in, people were getting up and walking out. Plates
clinked as they put them in the sink. I hear as people exit, signalling to me
that they were done.
     "Hm? Why are you still here? I thought you left after your hissyfit."
     Ugh, Jean.
     I sigh, "I have to wash the dishes." I say, like it's the most
     obvious thing in the world.
     He snorts, like the horse he is. "Have fun with that." he leaves,
     thank god.
My friends file out one by one after that. All asking me similar questions, all
responded with similar answers.
     "Why?" Mikasa asks.
     I don't face her, "Because Levi said so." I answer simply.
     I could imagine the glare she was giving. "That shrimp..." she
     mutters, probably thinking of several different ways to kill him.
     "It's not a big deal, just go to sleep. I can handle it." I think...
     "C'mon, Mikasa." Armin says, dragging her away. I could feel his eyes
     on me. "I'll see you tomorrow Eren."
I appreciate him not bringing up my little outburst at dinner. I'm not sure I
could answer him anyways.
     "Yeah."
After them, the last person walks out and the mess hall was empty. I breathe
out a sigh. Well, it's now or never. Now where's that damn broom?
 
xxx
 
After running around and sweeping the whole room twice to make sure I hadn't
missed anything, I stumbled into the kitchen. There, I felt a bucket of water
for cleaning the dishes. But before I could wash dishes, I needed to wipe down
the tables. So I found a rag and dipped it in the water. Finding the tables was
a little hard, and so was making sure they were clean. Somehow I knew it wasn't
going to be to the Captain's taste...
I spent about two hours scrubbing the wooden tables. I was tired, but I
couldn't tell what time it was. How much time really went by. If the sky
outside was really dark like I imagined. Was it, I wonder, as pitch black as
how I see now?
Since no one was there with me, I could stretch my arms out and feel my way
without being suspicous. I walked into the kitchen again, feeling for the
bucket of water. At least everyone was nice enough to put their dirty dishes in
there.
And here I was now, sleeves rolled up, holding the rag, bubbly with soap, as I
scrub the plates and utensils. I'm doing pretty well, I think. It's a
meticulous task. Take a plate, clean it, dry it, put it in a pile, repeat. It's
easy to go on autopilot after awhile and lose myself in my thoughts.
I smile, shaking my head. Armin was on to me.
Of course he was.
My thoughts stray.
Guess I'll never get to read those books Armin always told me read. Never see
Sasha stuffing her face and Connie telling her to slow down with an annoyed yet
amused expression. Mikasa's rare, gentle smiles. The way Reiner always tips his
head back and laughs heartily. When Christa's eyes well with tears if someone
gets hurt and the caring glint Ymir gives her. Captain Levi's nod as he gives
his silent praises.
These little things I took for granted spear my heart.
There was happiness despite the ugly. Beneath the blood, there was life. Even
at death, the crystal rain came to wash it away. Through the pain, everyone
fought. Fought for moments that made it worth living. But I couldn't see it
anymore. Night was beautiful because even the crickets hushed to gaze at the
twinkling, white stars. It was never really dark. Here it is always dark.
Thoughts are dangerous. Time is ruthless in my mind. They take me back to when
I took brightness for granted. Even so, wasn't it just yesterday I could see
the pink sky as the sun rised?
I try to suppress my thoughts.
My hands swim in the dirty, empty bucket of water. I don't notice it's empty
until I can't find another plate. I wipe my wet fingertips on my pants and try
to find cabinets. Now which cabinet did the plates go in? I search blindly. I
have no idea where it could be, I've never been in here before. Half an hour
later, I'm still waddling around and feeling for the right cabinet. It had to
be an empty one to fit all these plates, but they were all full with cups, pots
and pans.
I reach in front of me, frustrated. I had to get on my tippy toes for this one.
Have I even checked this one? I grab the handle and grin victoriously. I open
it and I curse Jean a thousand times. It wasn't his fault at all, but he was
easy to blame.
Powder.
Powder is what I feel.
It fell from the cabinet, spilling on to me. In my mouth, my face, my eyes.
     "W-What the!?" I exclaim in shock.
I cough and rub the powder in my eyes. It smelled like flour. Who the hell puts
flour on the top cabinet?? I cough louder backing up harshly and hitting the
bucket of water. I feel the bucket tipping over from my weight until it
splashes me on my chin and neck and the floor. I gasp at the cold water and
stumble around on the slippery floor, stretching my hands out to grasp at
something, anything. I fall forward, managing to clutch on to the counter, but
that's where the piles of plates I had placed and I grab those instead,
bringing them down with me as I fell on my hands and knees on the puddle of
water.
I cringe as plates fall around me, noisily breaking into pieces. I feel sharp
shards cut into my palms and cheeks as I lay there, fumbling in the wet flour.
I just ruined everything.
I don't know how long I lay there, listening to the sound of my breathing,
cursing myself for fucking up, for not being able to see.
There are hurried footsteps getting closer. I pay them no mind until they are
right in front of me. Boots squeak on the wet floor.
     "That's fucking it."
I feel a strong hand grab my arm and heave me up. He drags me out of the
kitchen and into the hall. I could feel the wet flour hardening uncomfortably
on my hair and clothes.
     "Wait! W-where are we going?" I say, breathless.
We haven't stopped and I have to basically run to not be left physically
dragged.
     "Hanji. I've had enough of this shit." Captain Levi snaps. I wince at
     his tone.
     "I can clean the mess." I begin helplessly.
     "The room was dark." I'm confused., not expecting that.
     "What?"
     "The lantern had died out. You were cleaning in the dark, you fucking
     idiot."
I didn't know that. How was I going to explain that? I shut my mouth and kept
my head hung low as I am pulled.
     "I'm sorry I broke the plates, sir.." I say softly, embarrassed.
     "Something is definitely wrong with you and you're going to tell us."
No more words were exchanged after that and I was slightly happy Captain Levi
was pulling me around because I have no idea where Hanji's room is or how I
would even get there considering his brisk pace.
Finally, after what felt like ages, we make it to Hanji's room. Captain Levi
practically throws me in, probably disgusted with the sticky flour that clung
to my body.
     "Gross." he mutters.
I hear a rustle of fabric as he no doubt wipes his hands clean. Yup, I was
right.
I stand in what I think to be the doorway nervously. Hanji is going to be
checking me. I squeeze my eyes shut. They'll find out. I'll be thrown away.
Even after all I've went through to get here, what my friends have been
through. To earn my wings.
     "Levi!" Hanji's voice squeals. "You didn't have to bust the door down
     you know. You could've knocked." Hanji stands up from what I think to
     be a desk.
     Captain Levi walks in past me to Hanji, "You would've taken a long
     time to open the door, too busy with your shitty experiments." he
     scoffs, "Anyways. This is important." he's quiet, probably motioning
     at me.
     "Oh! Hi Eren! I didn't see you there."
     I toe the floor nervously, "Hi Hanji.." I say quietly. "Wait a sec,
     why you drenched? And what are those white things on you?" they ask
     curiously.
     Levi sighs, "Fucking flour." I don't say anthing, "He managed to
     break every damn plate and spill the whole flour bag. We'll have to
     get a new one. And the tables are still dirty."
Hanji hums in acknowledgement. My cheeks heat in shame.
     "No wonder you look funny." There's a grin in their voice, "But, why
     are you telling me that?"
     "Because he's been acting strange all day and I think he's sick or
     something."
     This piqued Hanji's interest. "I see." I'm almost glad I can't see
     the scary glint that is no doubt, in their eyes. Hanji grabs my arm
     and flings me inside. The door closes behind me, "Okay, now I'm
     interested! Eren, why don't you go sit over there?"
I don't know where 'there' is, but I stumble forward, my fingers searching, and
hope for the best. My fingers make contact with a chair and I sit in it. I sit
tensely, my back rigid. My heartbeat hammers in my chest like drums. Captain
Levi is quiet near the wall.
They'll find out,a silent mantra beats my mind.
     "Now, Eren, what's wrong?"
There is a beat of silence as my fingers form fists on my knees. Tears well up
in my eyes without my permission as I stare blankly at nothing. The swirling
darkness consumes me. I feel small, as I'm swallowed, smaller, and smaller,
until there is nothing.
The chirping of awakening birds, the yawn of the sun. What time is it?
     "Oi brat. Answer." a deep voice rattles me.
Answer? What is wrong?
I can still smell the violet flowers, hear the rustles of leaves as the wind
sweeps through, the voices of my friends. I'm still alive, I can still fight.
But my eyes are bandaged, white tape covering them. They are sewn shut. I'm
drowning. Furthur and furthur, never reaching the bottom.
Where is the light?
They drip from my eyes like stars.
Tears? I'm crying? They hit my hands.
     "I.." I begin, my throat closing, my voice shaking. What's wrong? My
     gaze is blank, wide and unseeing.
 
     "I can't see..." I whisper out.
End Notes
     sorry for any typos, errors, mistakes
     i listened to a bunch of sad ost lol
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